THE TRUTH.

She feels abandoned. I feel abandoned.

Seychelles* and Belarus*... poof. They're gone. I don't even know how to feel... Wait, I do. I feel like shit. And after months, I haven't said a thing. Well, hello there, new life. New people. Now I have Austria* and Prussia*.

I still miss Seychelles and Belarus, though. i mean... ugh. WHAT THE HELL WENT WRONG?

A) Austria feels abandoned, I won't leave her.
B) Everyday, Austria, Prussia and I, we chat, thing is-- I cannot relate to them. It's like... ugh. I love them both but they have their own little world together. I can't just waltz in there as though I've been part of it all along
C) England* is loved. I LOVE ENGLAND*. HAHAHAHAHA. BET YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT.
D) Italy*, Y U NO CALL? Y U NO TEXT? Y U NO TALK TO ME? You're just leaving me like I'm... trash.

Alright. Bye. I'm over it.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND + New song (unfinished)

I honestly just want to insert a keyboard smash here. No, seriously.
I've been laughing and crying all day with two people close to my heart. Me ol' jam tart.
The one that's breaking. Yes. My heart is breaking. I kid you not. Anyway, new song, so, uh... yeah. Made this long ago... never bothered to finish it.

You, and your stupid moronic ways
Hey, what kind of a friend betrays?
Don't think that you're invincible when you're not
I'm not either, but, darling, take your shot

I don't need, I don't need, I don't need another b*tch
In my life, in my life, or another f*gly witch
You can go, you can go to hell-oh, pick up the phone

I know it's mean. Shoot me.

That silly song of ours was never meant for the radio

so, Grasha and I were on the phone last Thursday for more than 3 bloody hours. it was quite wonderful, really, considering that I've been isolating myself these days... anyway, some few months ago, I composed a little piano piece out of boredom, a little something for Austria and Hungary (although I'm a PruHun girl). so, we made the lyrics. Other than that... well, I told her not to cut the line and we'd just let it die on its own... We fell asleep with phones by our ears, but before closing my eyes, I whispered to the phone the little things I never told her. anyway, i'll post the lyrics soon, when it's done' ;)

Hetalitaaaard. =))

North Italy (Vargas Feliciano)

(x) You were bullied a lot in your childhood

(X) You adore pasta, pizza, cheese, and fruit.

( ) You're very happy-go-lucky

( ) You constantly have a dozy look on your face as if you're always away with the fairies

( ) You have a long curly strand of hair that always tends to stick up

( ) You're a good artist

( ) You can be clumsy

( ) You have a friend you always depend upon if you mess up something

( ) If your life was in danger, you would do the typical Italian thing and say: "PLEASE DON'T KILL ME! I HAVE RELATIVES IN YOUR COUNTRY!"

( ) You would surrender in a war situation

(2/10) for North Italy

South Italy (Lovino/Romano Vargas)

(x) You love tomatoes

(x) You tend to say "goddamn" and "bastard" to everyone, a lot

(X) You tend to get irritated easily

( ) You have a long curly strand of hair that always tends to stick out

( ) You hate French people

( ) You rely on people too much

(x) You would surrender in a war situation

( ) You often feel like people are after your inheritance

(x) You are lazy at times, and you are horrible at cleaning

(5/8) for South Italy

Germany (Ludwig)

( ) You're very stoic and serious

( ) Sausages are your favourite foods.

( ) You like to walk dogs/your dog

( ) Your boss/principal/tutor/home-room teacher is a nut-case.

( ) You love rules and think they should always be followed to

( ) You think the world would be better if everyone played by the rules

( ) You work very hard too hard...

( ) Your alone time is your 'happy time'

( ) You can appear tough but be very considerate towards people

( ) You've had issues with money once or twice

(0/10) for Germany

Japan (Kiku Honda)

(x) You're very mature

( ) You think everything over before saying it.

(x) You believe in ghosts but aren't phased by the experience when you see one

( ) You isolated yourself during childhood

( ) You became very successful in a short amount of time

( ) You are somewhat inexperienced when it comes to the outside world

(X) You can seem cold/aloof to other people

(X) You're good at practical tasks

( ) You need time to adjust to new people

(4/10) for Japan

The United States of America (Alfred F. Jones)

( ) You love hamburgers

(X) You think you're awesome

( ) You love to invent things

( ) You love going to the cinema/watching films/making films

( ) You can seem to be very brash to other people

( ) You have a tendency to stick your nose into other peoples' business

( ) You're terrified of ghosts

( ) You know aliens exist

( ) You tend to wear a bomber jacket all the time

( ) You wear glasses

(1/10) for America

The United Kingdom of England, Wales, Scotland, and Northern Ireland (Arthur Kirkland)

(x) You like tea

(x) You were quite tough and troublesome as a kid (says my mom)

(X) You're very sarcastic and cynical

(x) Your cooking is awful

(x) You love spiritual magical stuff, such as fairies, ghosts...

(x)...But you refuse to believe in aliens.

( ) You have tried doing black magic before

( ) You get drunk quite easily.

( ) When you are drunk, you tend to be very unhappy

( ) You're good at embroidery

(6/10) for UK(e) xD

France (Francis Bonnefoy)

( ) You're very affectionate

( ) You think you have a great fashion sense

( ) You like wine

( ) You're the master of whispering romantic things into peoples' ears

(X) You love red roses (That is England's national flower <3)

(X) When it comes to l'amour, you don't mind men or women

( ) You're very proud of yourself

(X) You love culture and the arts

( ) You're very flamboyant

( ) You say you're a gourmet

(3/10) for France

Russia (Ivan Braginski)

( ) You had a very sad childhood.

( ) You're very tall

( ) You have a tendency to switch between personalities

( ) You wear a scarf all the time

( ) You love sunflowers

( ) You love vodka

( ) You can seem intimidating to other people

( ) You're very strong

( ) You have a big nose

( ) You have a strange laugh that can scare people (sometimes daw)

(0/10) for Russia

China (Wang Yao)

( ) You're very mature

( ) You're very superstitious

( ) You're very religious

(X) You love pandas

( ) You love cooking so much that you nag if food has a certain pattern of tastes

( ) You love Hello Kitty

(x) You try to be a role-model for your brothers/sisters/whatever, but are never taken seriously.

( ) You work hard

( ) You're good at drawing

(x) You like sweets

(3/10) for China

Austria (Roderich Edelstein)

(x) You are very well-raised

(x) You're polite (Quite, I believe so... That is, of course, when you're really a HIGH person)

(x) You love classical music

( ) You like cake

( ) You have a mole on your face

(x) You dedicate your time to your hobbies rather than what needs to be done right away

( ) You are a virtuoso/play very well on at least one instrument

(X) You've composed music before

(x) You tend to call people 'morons'

( ) You wear glasses )

(6/10) for Austria

Canada (Matthew Williams)

(X) You're often ignored by people

( ) You look younger than you actually are

(X) You love hockey

(x) You love polar bears

( ) You hate fighting

( )You have one strand of curly hair, like Italy

( ) You often get mistaken for someone else

(x) You feel under-appreciated

(X) You're bilingual

( ) You always carry a bear with you

(5/10) for Canada

Cuba

( ) You smoke

( ) You're very physically strong

( ) You've won a lot of fist-fights

( ) In your social circle, there are two brothers - you get along with one, but not with the other.

(X) You have very strong emotions about a variety of topics

( ) You like hot weather

(X) You can be very friendly from time to time

( ) You look very tough on the outside

( ) You make a very nice role-model

( ) You don't let people get a word in edgeways

(2/10) for Cuba

Hungary (Erszebet Hédeváry)

(X)You have a potty-mouth

( )You like to wear flowers in your hair

( ) You used to be a very tough kid

(X) You're very reliable

(X) It's better to have you as a friend rather than an enemy

(X) You're very faithful

(X) Your speech and mannerisms can be considered very unladylike

( ) You and your best friend go together like chalk and cheese.

(X) You are graceful one moment and grinning like a maniac the next

(X) If someone yells that yaoi is going on somewhere, you will drop everything to run off to go and see it.

(7/10) for Hungary

Prussia (Gilbert Weillschmidt)

(X) You're quite mean-spirited

(x) You're a bit of a hooligan

(X) You're very loyal

( ) You're very good at tactics

( ) You hate Russia

(X) You love to fight people

(x) You can avoid marriages quite well

(X) You're not always taken seriously

( ) You like drinking

( ) You want to become stronger

(6/10) for Prussia

So anyway. Hetalia-much? xD I`m meant t be Eli ♥ And my crushes have the highest - 6. Hahaha.

asdfghjkl;

Maybe I'm over dramatic
It's not that traumatic
but, darling, I don't know what to do
Won't even pick up the phone
Won't believe that I'm not alone
we all know, baby, you left so long ago

Well here's the catch
Must've been too attached
to let go

Don't tell me these stupid lies
Can't you see these bloodshot eyes>
Isn't it enough, once you've broken a heart
And she's left torn apart?
But she says she's fine


//I'm working on it. Haha.

Dear you...

Hello there,
                Do you remember me? We used to be rather close before, but now, look at us. How pathetic, really. Did you really think I’d just run around happy without feeling anything about what’s happening between us? Did you think I can just go through with it simply?

                Well, fuck you. Really, please do me a favor and screw yourself to fucking hell. No, I didn’t mean that. I’m just exhausted, knackered because of everything. You know who I am and how my life goes, right? How could you let a minor setback break us so easily? Oh that’s right, it isn’t a minor setback… it’s something that influences you greatly just because. Well, you know what? I don’t care anymore. I quit. I fucking quit. I can’t take it anymore because I’m always the fucking reason. I don’t want to be the reason, okay? So, I’m leaving. I’m leaving just because. I’m leaving just because of your reasons, stupid reasons, fucking reasons of leaving the group when they needed you the most.

                I wish you knew how much it hurt hearing all that, from you of all people. I wish you knew how much I couldn’t even bring myself to school just because I knew you’d be there. I wish you knew how much I’ve tried hiding it from every-fucking-one of my friends. How I wish you fucking knew. I wish I’d never known you, if I were only to get hurt like this. I wish I hadn’t agreed to those silly promises we’d made, or joined the group at all.

                But most of all, I wish you got something from me. I wish you had fun with me no matter how screwed up we both were.

                So, here, you can go with them now, while I stay alone, like who I really am supposed to be, and just how I deserve it.

Yours, with all my sincerity and love,

Aly

Broken, shattered... but I'm still here.

Hello to those who actually take their time reading my useless rambling. :)
So anyway, it's pretty late and I've classes tomorrow, but screw classes, I can't bottle things up anymore...

Anyway, I've been listening to the ever-so-lovely Taylor Swift ♥

Dear John - Taylor Swift, Speak Now

No, it's not like I dated someone like John Mayer, but in all honesty, I feel so broken and such that I can't even explain why. Everything has been pretty much screwed up for me, for example...

My best friend won't talk to me anymore... 'cause her mum hates me. Of course, I wouldn't dare blame her mum, but hey... she was my best friend, and how many times has this happened? Best friends for quite a while, then all of a sudden, in a blink of an eye... they're gone.

What happened to our plans? What happened to all the things we wanted to do together? Our old promises of "when I'm older, I'm taking you with me, and we'll be running around like crazy without a care in the world!" or "I swear, we're going to make this world a better place!"

Dear god, I don't want to be dramatic or anything, but I just can't help it anymore. I want to give up so badly, but there are so many things that I want to know, so many people I wouldn't dare leave behind...

but I'm having a hard time already.

I've a friend, let's call her Mathea (haha. obvious, eh?) once upon a time, she was always brightening up my days since I was that suicidal girl back then... and one day, she told our little group of friends during a game of truth or dare and confessions... "I'm honestly losing all hope in the world... but you know what keeps me here? You guys. I'm your senior, your older sibling, and you can tell me anything, no matter how stupid, or useless it may be, and I'll be there to listen! I'll be there for you, no matter how less sleep I've had, or how busy I am with school... I'm always here. You guys are happy, then I'm happy. You guys smiling, well, fuck it, it's my job to make you smile!"
Babe, you know who you are, and if you read this, I know it wasn't meant directly for me, but you're one of the most wonderful people I've met. Ever. Since grade 6 and my whole "Kill me now" facade.

Speaking of facades...

Hi, I'm Aly, and I'm breaking these walls down to show you who I really am. I've been lying all this time, but mein gott, I'm showing who I really am, if you don't like who I am, you're free to break me down.

I may be known as "Chrissy Carriedo" or "that weird role-playing girl" or whatever other nickname you people have graced upon me, but no, I can't always hide.

I may be broken, I may be shattered, I may be hurt, I may break down, I may seem depressed... I may have thoughts of suicide...

but I'm still here, and I'm not leaving 'til God says I can. I'm not leaving 'til I've put a smile upon your faces. I'm not leaving 'til I've seen all that I can, and done all I want.

I'm still here, and will always be... when you need me.

One text, one call, one e-mail, one FB message or something, but yeah, by all means, if you want to talk, or share, or if you're sad, call me up, and I will do my very best to make you happy.

Okay, this is rather long. Cheerio!~

PS: Check out my aunt's blog - Invisiblegurlnextdoor. :)