All Hell Breaks Loose at 33 reviews!

Okay, HI WORLD!

I uploaded a new chapter to All Hell Breaks Loose (formerly called All Things in Disguise...) and 5 minutes later, there were 2 comments.

What can I say...? Basically, I'm just ecstatic... Yeah. Ecstatic.

Reflections...?

It's about 2:12AM right now, and obviously, I can't sleep. It's not insomnia, it's just that I'm not really in the mood to sleep. I feel restless, but who cares, right?

Anyway, yesterday, I went to some place in Makati... Serendra and Bonifacio High Street to meet up with my friend, Andytheawesome. Our original meeting place was in Starbucks, and for some reason, their Starbucks' are inside bookstores, so I had the time to take a look at a few books... I passed through the RELIGIOUS section of said bookstore.

"Right... uhm, Hi God." Yes, I talk to Him when I want to, and even in the most random places. So, I saw a book, the title I can't remember but it's something about listening to God and stuff. I picked it up, it was sealed, but I really wanted to check it out. Of course, I didn't open it, I just stared at it, really.
"Maybe I'm not concentrating on listening to Him, maybe I need to really, as in REALLY listen."


To cut the story short... I just started to think about it.

I'm writing this right after I took a shower, before I took a shower, though, I listened to Natalie Grant, and Switchfoot. Then, I realized, as much as I try to listen, I won't actually hear Him, He can show me in so many different ways, through pain, love, emotions, maybe your friends, as in ANYTHING! So...  I guess that's what i can say now... Who knows, I'll have another epiphany soon, I just know it.


God Bless! :)



CREDITS TO THE RIGHTFUL OWNERS OF THE PICTURES, SWITCHFOOT, NATALIE GRANT and GOD! :)

I'm sorry.

Mood: Miserable, Scared.

Song: Don't Walk Away - Michael Joseph Scruse Jackson <3 (Invincible Album!)

What do you feel right now? Remember my post about "fear"? Well, I fin'lly told my mom about it, and she said I'd be checked sometime... I'm honestly scared. Very scared. There's all this trash and clutter in my brain, too. What if's, Why not's, maybe's, next time's and all the other crap that keeps me awake at night. I feel like shit every time I think about it. Let me tell you, I AM NOT READY to find out something big as the things I will if I go through that stupid procedure. If only I could just walk away, but I can't. If only I could call everyone I know up, even those who hate me, and just tell them I'm sorry and I love them, after that, I can run in the rain and hit my head on the ground, fall on concrete, whatever would bring physical pain. I don't want the spiritual and psychological pains anymore, I need the physical pain already.

I'm tired of countless tears that fall to the floor every time I keep these kinds of things to myself, but sometimes I just can't tell anyone. It's not an issue about trust at all, it's just that I'm always my own problem. I seriously don't like feeling this way, I don't like feeling sad, scared, depressed, but every time something good is going to happen, all these things start chasing me again. It feels like my negative emotions say "Oh, Aly's gonna be happy, better get her now, before she gets used to it!" then I'd feel like crap again. I don't like thinking and I don't want to think anymore, but i don't have an escape plan, and I know there are no ways of escape anymore. I don't know how to handle things like these anymore, but I keep closing myself out, and I don't even have the courage to tell a soul... Yup, that's right. I'm a coward. A useless piece of crap rolled in more crap. No offense to God though, I mean, I like being alive and all, I'm proud to say that He is my Father and all, but I really just don't know why I feel like this.

An escape route, yes, I have one, a stupid plan, actually. I can imagine myself jumping off a building, or putting a noose on me. I can imagine checking in a hotel and then getting a blade to slash wrists. I can imagine myself getting a bunch of sedatives so I can just close my eyes and sleep... forever. It's very wrong to have thoughts like these, I know. God, if you can hear me right now, please, take these feelings away. No, don't. Just... be here. I don't want to feel like I have some kind of porcelain heart that fell to the floor, ending up shattered into a million pieces. I know You can fix this and I need to cooperate, but I keep pulling myself down. I seriously do not want this, and I'm sorry, I've let you down again...

"I close my eyes
Just to try and see you smile one more time
But it’s been so long now all I do is cry
Can’t we find some love to take this away
‘Cause the pain gets stronger every day"

-- Don't Walk Away - Invincible(2002) - Michael Jackson

And today, I must admit... was not that good...

Who am I kidding? Today was... Well, okay.

I just finished reading Moonwalk by Michael Jackson as of 12:03 AM, and I feel great! I must admit, I was never really a fan of Michael until he... Went with the angels and went to God. So the quote, "You don't realize something good 'til it's gone" really is true. It took a long while for me to actually fall in love with his music, and not just that, because I have fallen deeply in love with him. He is such a beautiful man with a beautiful soul, and is of course, an inspiration no only to me, but also to hundreds, if not millions of people in the world.

Anyway, I have certain goals to achieve today.
a) finish ''writing'' my Eraserheads medley. Not that I want to compare or compete, but I just want to take music a step higher. :)
b) try fixing Andytheawesome's cool blog!
c) try making new chapters for my fanfics, ATiD, TFS, CFL.
d) post my new story... 15 Questions.

Before I forget... Last Monday, the Philippines voted for their leaders, (president, vice president, senators and mayors, even congressmen, i think.), so far, Mr. Benigno Simeon ''Noynoy'' Aquino III is winning and probably is the new president of the Philippines. I honestly wanted Mr. Gilbert ''Gibo'' Teodoro, Jr. to win but I guess... It wasn't his time to shine yet... So here's to hoping, (and knowing) that Noynoy can and will make the Philippines a better place for the Filipinos. Congratulations, Mr. Aquino. Oh, and congratulations to all the elected candidates, you guys are awesome!

What else to put... Hmm... I don't think I've anything else to say... Haha.

'til next time!
Ianna. <3

My song for... Michael Joseph Jackson.

I really miss this guy. He was gone too soon. :(

I've been here for a while, listening to your voice
And I never thought leaving was a choice
Remembering so many years you've been there
Enjoying all the music and passion you've shared

You've got me so swept away
But you couldn't stay
Maybe all we needed was an angel like you
Don't have to tell the angels no
I know you had to go
But I will forever love you

You make my day, you make me smile
Even cry for a very short while
My voice, my hero, my inspiration
You taught me love and compassion

You've got me so swept away
But you couldn't stay
Maybe all we needed was an angel like you
Don't have to tell the angels no
I know you had to go
But I will forever love you

Bridge:
(The way you make me feel!)
Oh, you, you opened my eyes
You're an angel in disguise
(You are not alone)

You've got me so swept away
But you couldn't stay
Maybe all we needed was an angel like you
Don't have to tell the angels no
I know you had to go
But I will forever love you

hope you guys like it... :) See you up there, Michael. :)

Perfect Daughter *incomplete*

This has been going on for too long, I don’t think I can take it anymore
Don’t even know if you’ll really walk out that door
And all wanted was to make you happy
And all I wanted was for you to see

That I’m not giving up on you, just givin’ up on me
The perfect daughter for you is all I want to be
What do I have to do?
All I want is that “I love you” from you