That silly song of ours was never meant for the radio

so, Grasha and I were on the phone last Thursday for more than 3 bloody hours. it was quite wonderful, really, considering that I've been isolating myself these days... anyway, some few months ago, I composed a little piano piece out of boredom, a little something for Austria and Hungary (although I'm a PruHun girl). so, we made the lyrics. Other than that... well, I told her not to cut the line and we'd just let it die on its own... We fell asleep with phones by our ears, but before closing my eyes, I whispered to the phone the little things I never told her. anyway, i'll post the lyrics soon, when it's done' ;)

Hetalitaaaard. =))

North Italy (Vargas Feliciano)

(x) You were bullied a lot in your childhood

(X) You adore pasta, pizza, cheese, and fruit.

( ) You're very happy-go-lucky

( ) You constantly have a dozy look on your face as if you're always away with the fairies

( ) You have a long curly strand of hair that always tends to stick up

( ) You're a good artist

( ) You can be clumsy

( ) You have a friend you always depend upon if you mess up something

( ) If your life was in danger, you would do the typical Italian thing and say: "PLEASE DON'T KILL ME! I HAVE RELATIVES IN YOUR COUNTRY!"

( ) You would surrender in a war situation

(2/10) for North Italy

South Italy (Lovino/Romano Vargas)

(x) You love tomatoes

(x) You tend to say "goddamn" and "bastard" to everyone, a lot

(X) You tend to get irritated easily

( ) You have a long curly strand of hair that always tends to stick out

( ) You hate French people

( ) You rely on people too much

(x) You would surrender in a war situation

( ) You often feel like people are after your inheritance

(x) You are lazy at times, and you are horrible at cleaning

(5/8) for South Italy

Germany (Ludwig)

( ) You're very stoic and serious

( ) Sausages are your favourite foods.

( ) You like to walk dogs/your dog

( ) Your boss/principal/tutor/home-room teacher is a nut-case.

( ) You love rules and think they should always be followed to

( ) You think the world would be better if everyone played by the rules

( ) You work very hard too hard...

( ) Your alone time is your 'happy time'

( ) You can appear tough but be very considerate towards people

( ) You've had issues with money once or twice

(0/10) for Germany

Japan (Kiku Honda)

(x) You're very mature

( ) You think everything over before saying it.

(x) You believe in ghosts but aren't phased by the experience when you see one

( ) You isolated yourself during childhood

( ) You became very successful in a short amount of time

( ) You are somewhat inexperienced when it comes to the outside world

(X) You can seem cold/aloof to other people

(X) You're good at practical tasks

( ) You need time to adjust to new people

(4/10) for Japan

The United States of America (Alfred F. Jones)

( ) You love hamburgers

(X) You think you're awesome

( ) You love to invent things

( ) You love going to the cinema/watching films/making films

( ) You can seem to be very brash to other people

( ) You have a tendency to stick your nose into other peoples' business

( ) You're terrified of ghosts

( ) You know aliens exist

( ) You tend to wear a bomber jacket all the time

( ) You wear glasses

(1/10) for America

The United Kingdom of England, Wales, Scotland, and Northern Ireland (Arthur Kirkland)

(x) You like tea

(x) You were quite tough and troublesome as a kid (says my mom)

(X) You're very sarcastic and cynical

(x) Your cooking is awful

(x) You love spiritual magical stuff, such as fairies, ghosts...

(x)...But you refuse to believe in aliens.

( ) You have tried doing black magic before

( ) You get drunk quite easily.

( ) When you are drunk, you tend to be very unhappy

( ) You're good at embroidery

(6/10) for UK(e) xD

France (Francis Bonnefoy)

( ) You're very affectionate

( ) You think you have a great fashion sense

( ) You like wine

( ) You're the master of whispering romantic things into peoples' ears

(X) You love red roses (That is England's national flower <3)

(X) When it comes to l'amour, you don't mind men or women

( ) You're very proud of yourself

(X) You love culture and the arts

( ) You're very flamboyant

( ) You say you're a gourmet

(3/10) for France

Russia (Ivan Braginski)

( ) You had a very sad childhood.

( ) You're very tall

( ) You have a tendency to switch between personalities

( ) You wear a scarf all the time

( ) You love sunflowers

( ) You love vodka

( ) You can seem intimidating to other people

( ) You're very strong

( ) You have a big nose

( ) You have a strange laugh that can scare people (sometimes daw)

(0/10) for Russia

China (Wang Yao)

( ) You're very mature

( ) You're very superstitious

( ) You're very religious

(X) You love pandas

( ) You love cooking so much that you nag if food has a certain pattern of tastes

( ) You love Hello Kitty

(x) You try to be a role-model for your brothers/sisters/whatever, but are never taken seriously.

( ) You work hard

( ) You're good at drawing

(x) You like sweets

(3/10) for China

Austria (Roderich Edelstein)

(x) You are very well-raised

(x) You're polite (Quite, I believe so... That is, of course, when you're really a HIGH person)

(x) You love classical music

( ) You like cake

( ) You have a mole on your face

(x) You dedicate your time to your hobbies rather than what needs to be done right away

( ) You are a virtuoso/play very well on at least one instrument

(X) You've composed music before

(x) You tend to call people 'morons'

( ) You wear glasses )

(6/10) for Austria

Canada (Matthew Williams)

(X) You're often ignored by people

( ) You look younger than you actually are

(X) You love hockey

(x) You love polar bears

( ) You hate fighting

( )You have one strand of curly hair, like Italy

( ) You often get mistaken for someone else

(x) You feel under-appreciated

(X) You're bilingual

( ) You always carry a bear with you

(5/10) for Canada

Cuba

( ) You smoke

( ) You're very physically strong

( ) You've won a lot of fist-fights

( ) In your social circle, there are two brothers - you get along with one, but not with the other.

(X) You have very strong emotions about a variety of topics

( ) You like hot weather

(X) You can be very friendly from time to time

( ) You look very tough on the outside

( ) You make a very nice role-model

( ) You don't let people get a word in edgeways

(2/10) for Cuba

Hungary (Erszebet Hédeváry)

(X)You have a potty-mouth

( )You like to wear flowers in your hair

( ) You used to be a very tough kid

(X) You're very reliable

(X) It's better to have you as a friend rather than an enemy

(X) You're very faithful

(X) Your speech and mannerisms can be considered very unladylike

( ) You and your best friend go together like chalk and cheese.

(X) You are graceful one moment and grinning like a maniac the next

(X) If someone yells that yaoi is going on somewhere, you will drop everything to run off to go and see it.

(7/10) for Hungary

Prussia (Gilbert Weillschmidt)

(X) You're quite mean-spirited

(x) You're a bit of a hooligan

(X) You're very loyal

( ) You're very good at tactics

( ) You hate Russia

(X) You love to fight people

(x) You can avoid marriages quite well

(X) You're not always taken seriously

( ) You like drinking

( ) You want to become stronger

(6/10) for Prussia

So anyway. Hetalia-much? xD I`m meant t be Eli ♥ And my crushes have the highest - 6. Hahaha.

asdfghjkl;

Maybe I'm over dramatic
It's not that traumatic
but, darling, I don't know what to do
Won't even pick up the phone
Won't believe that I'm not alone
we all know, baby, you left so long ago

Well here's the catch
Must've been too attached
to let go

Don't tell me these stupid lies
Can't you see these bloodshot eyes>
Isn't it enough, once you've broken a heart
And she's left torn apart?
But she says she's fine


//I'm working on it. Haha.

Dear you...

Hello there,
                Do you remember me? We used to be rather close before, but now, look at us. How pathetic, really. Did you really think I’d just run around happy without feeling anything about what’s happening between us? Did you think I can just go through with it simply?

                Well, fuck you. Really, please do me a favor and screw yourself to fucking hell. No, I didn’t mean that. I’m just exhausted, knackered because of everything. You know who I am and how my life goes, right? How could you let a minor setback break us so easily? Oh that’s right, it isn’t a minor setback… it’s something that influences you greatly just because. Well, you know what? I don’t care anymore. I quit. I fucking quit. I can’t take it anymore because I’m always the fucking reason. I don’t want to be the reason, okay? So, I’m leaving. I’m leaving just because. I’m leaving just because of your reasons, stupid reasons, fucking reasons of leaving the group when they needed you the most.

                I wish you knew how much it hurt hearing all that, from you of all people. I wish you knew how much I couldn’t even bring myself to school just because I knew you’d be there. I wish you knew how much I’ve tried hiding it from every-fucking-one of my friends. How I wish you fucking knew. I wish I’d never known you, if I were only to get hurt like this. I wish I hadn’t agreed to those silly promises we’d made, or joined the group at all.

                But most of all, I wish you got something from me. I wish you had fun with me no matter how screwed up we both were.

                So, here, you can go with them now, while I stay alone, like who I really am supposed to be, and just how I deserve it.

Yours, with all my sincerity and love,

Aly

Broken, shattered... but I'm still here.

Hello to those who actually take their time reading my useless rambling. :)
So anyway, it's pretty late and I've classes tomorrow, but screw classes, I can't bottle things up anymore...

Anyway, I've been listening to the ever-so-lovely Taylor Swift ♥

Dear John - Taylor Swift, Speak Now

No, it's not like I dated someone like John Mayer, but in all honesty, I feel so broken and such that I can't even explain why. Everything has been pretty much screwed up for me, for example...

My best friend won't talk to me anymore... 'cause her mum hates me. Of course, I wouldn't dare blame her mum, but hey... she was my best friend, and how many times has this happened? Best friends for quite a while, then all of a sudden, in a blink of an eye... they're gone.

What happened to our plans? What happened to all the things we wanted to do together? Our old promises of "when I'm older, I'm taking you with me, and we'll be running around like crazy without a care in the world!" or "I swear, we're going to make this world a better place!"

Dear god, I don't want to be dramatic or anything, but I just can't help it anymore. I want to give up so badly, but there are so many things that I want to know, so many people I wouldn't dare leave behind...

but I'm having a hard time already.

I've a friend, let's call her Mathea (haha. obvious, eh?) once upon a time, she was always brightening up my days since I was that suicidal girl back then... and one day, she told our little group of friends during a game of truth or dare and confessions... "I'm honestly losing all hope in the world... but you know what keeps me here? You guys. I'm your senior, your older sibling, and you can tell me anything, no matter how stupid, or useless it may be, and I'll be there to listen! I'll be there for you, no matter how less sleep I've had, or how busy I am with school... I'm always here. You guys are happy, then I'm happy. You guys smiling, well, fuck it, it's my job to make you smile!"
Babe, you know who you are, and if you read this, I know it wasn't meant directly for me, but you're one of the most wonderful people I've met. Ever. Since grade 6 and my whole "Kill me now" facade.

Speaking of facades...

Hi, I'm Aly, and I'm breaking these walls down to show you who I really am. I've been lying all this time, but mein gott, I'm showing who I really am, if you don't like who I am, you're free to break me down.

I may be known as "Chrissy Carriedo" or "that weird role-playing girl" or whatever other nickname you people have graced upon me, but no, I can't always hide.

I may be broken, I may be shattered, I may be hurt, I may break down, I may seem depressed... I may have thoughts of suicide...

but I'm still here, and I'm not leaving 'til God says I can. I'm not leaving 'til I've put a smile upon your faces. I'm not leaving 'til I've seen all that I can, and done all I want.

I'm still here, and will always be... when you need me.

One text, one call, one e-mail, one FB message or something, but yeah, by all means, if you want to talk, or share, or if you're sad, call me up, and I will do my very best to make you happy.

Okay, this is rather long. Cheerio!~

PS: Check out my aunt's blog - Invisiblegurlnextdoor. :)

Nostalgia + Pain = Totally wrecked crap day.

"You really do trust me!" -- Ahem, you know everything about me you stupid bum! You make me feel so numb every time, so congratulations, you've successfully f*ed up my day and openness.

"Naging sila kaya!" (They actually were and item!) -- That's great, she's gone that far with you, but you never told me, did you expect me to get hurt?

Well, here's to you, you bloody git, sodding bastard and all those degrading insults... I'm tired of running and trying to chase you to mend that broken friendship, now I'm simply letting you go.

Weedawooolala!

Okay, I'm just insanely INSANELY bored.

Projects for today:

• ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE! chapter 9. =))
• CD gift for my best friend, Andytheawesome!
• New stories

All Hell Breaks Loose at 33 reviews!

Okay, HI WORLD!

I uploaded a new chapter to All Hell Breaks Loose (formerly called All Things in Disguise...) and 5 minutes later, there were 2 comments.

What can I say...? Basically, I'm just ecstatic... Yeah. Ecstatic.

Reflections...?

It's about 2:12AM right now, and obviously, I can't sleep. It's not insomnia, it's just that I'm not really in the mood to sleep. I feel restless, but who cares, right?

Anyway, yesterday, I went to some place in Makati... Serendra and Bonifacio High Street to meet up with my friend, Andytheawesome. Our original meeting place was in Starbucks, and for some reason, their Starbucks' are inside bookstores, so I had the time to take a look at a few books... I passed through the RELIGIOUS section of said bookstore.

"Right... uhm, Hi God." Yes, I talk to Him when I want to, and even in the most random places. So, I saw a book, the title I can't remember but it's something about listening to God and stuff. I picked it up, it was sealed, but I really wanted to check it out. Of course, I didn't open it, I just stared at it, really.
"Maybe I'm not concentrating on listening to Him, maybe I need to really, as in REALLY listen."


To cut the story short... I just started to think about it.

I'm writing this right after I took a shower, before I took a shower, though, I listened to Natalie Grant, and Switchfoot. Then, I realized, as much as I try to listen, I won't actually hear Him, He can show me in so many different ways, through pain, love, emotions, maybe your friends, as in ANYTHING! So...  I guess that's what i can say now... Who knows, I'll have another epiphany soon, I just know it.


God Bless! :)



CREDITS TO THE RIGHTFUL OWNERS OF THE PICTURES, SWITCHFOOT, NATALIE GRANT and GOD! :)

I'm sorry.

Mood: Miserable, Scared.

Song: Don't Walk Away - Michael Joseph Scruse Jackson <3 (Invincible Album!)

What do you feel right now? Remember my post about "fear"? Well, I fin'lly told my mom about it, and she said I'd be checked sometime... I'm honestly scared. Very scared. There's all this trash and clutter in my brain, too. What if's, Why not's, maybe's, next time's and all the other crap that keeps me awake at night. I feel like shit every time I think about it. Let me tell you, I AM NOT READY to find out something big as the things I will if I go through that stupid procedure. If only I could just walk away, but I can't. If only I could call everyone I know up, even those who hate me, and just tell them I'm sorry and I love them, after that, I can run in the rain and hit my head on the ground, fall on concrete, whatever would bring physical pain. I don't want the spiritual and psychological pains anymore, I need the physical pain already.

I'm tired of countless tears that fall to the floor every time I keep these kinds of things to myself, but sometimes I just can't tell anyone. It's not an issue about trust at all, it's just that I'm always my own problem. I seriously don't like feeling this way, I don't like feeling sad, scared, depressed, but every time something good is going to happen, all these things start chasing me again. It feels like my negative emotions say "Oh, Aly's gonna be happy, better get her now, before she gets used to it!" then I'd feel like crap again. I don't like thinking and I don't want to think anymore, but i don't have an escape plan, and I know there are no ways of escape anymore. I don't know how to handle things like these anymore, but I keep closing myself out, and I don't even have the courage to tell a soul... Yup, that's right. I'm a coward. A useless piece of crap rolled in more crap. No offense to God though, I mean, I like being alive and all, I'm proud to say that He is my Father and all, but I really just don't know why I feel like this.

An escape route, yes, I have one, a stupid plan, actually. I can imagine myself jumping off a building, or putting a noose on me. I can imagine checking in a hotel and then getting a blade to slash wrists. I can imagine myself getting a bunch of sedatives so I can just close my eyes and sleep... forever. It's very wrong to have thoughts like these, I know. God, if you can hear me right now, please, take these feelings away. No, don't. Just... be here. I don't want to feel like I have some kind of porcelain heart that fell to the floor, ending up shattered into a million pieces. I know You can fix this and I need to cooperate, but I keep pulling myself down. I seriously do not want this, and I'm sorry, I've let you down again...

"I close my eyes
Just to try and see you smile one more time
But it’s been so long now all I do is cry
Can’t we find some love to take this away
‘Cause the pain gets stronger every day"

-- Don't Walk Away - Invincible(2002) - Michael Jackson

And today, I must admit... was not that good...

Who am I kidding? Today was... Well, okay.

I just finished reading Moonwalk by Michael Jackson as of 12:03 AM, and I feel great! I must admit, I was never really a fan of Michael until he... Went with the angels and went to God. So the quote, "You don't realize something good 'til it's gone" really is true. It took a long while for me to actually fall in love with his music, and not just that, because I have fallen deeply in love with him. He is such a beautiful man with a beautiful soul, and is of course, an inspiration no only to me, but also to hundreds, if not millions of people in the world.

Anyway, I have certain goals to achieve today.
a) finish ''writing'' my Eraserheads medley. Not that I want to compare or compete, but I just want to take music a step higher. :)
b) try fixing Andytheawesome's cool blog!
c) try making new chapters for my fanfics, ATiD, TFS, CFL.
d) post my new story... 15 Questions.

Before I forget... Last Monday, the Philippines voted for their leaders, (president, vice president, senators and mayors, even congressmen, i think.), so far, Mr. Benigno Simeon ''Noynoy'' Aquino III is winning and probably is the new president of the Philippines. I honestly wanted Mr. Gilbert ''Gibo'' Teodoro, Jr. to win but I guess... It wasn't his time to shine yet... So here's to hoping, (and knowing) that Noynoy can and will make the Philippines a better place for the Filipinos. Congratulations, Mr. Aquino. Oh, and congratulations to all the elected candidates, you guys are awesome!

What else to put... Hmm... I don't think I've anything else to say... Haha.

'til next time!
Ianna. <3

My song for... Michael Joseph Jackson.

I really miss this guy. He was gone too soon. :(

I've been here for a while, listening to your voice
And I never thought leaving was a choice
Remembering so many years you've been there
Enjoying all the music and passion you've shared

You've got me so swept away
But you couldn't stay
Maybe all we needed was an angel like you
Don't have to tell the angels no
I know you had to go
But I will forever love you

You make my day, you make me smile
Even cry for a very short while
My voice, my hero, my inspiration
You taught me love and compassion

You've got me so swept away
But you couldn't stay
Maybe all we needed was an angel like you
Don't have to tell the angels no
I know you had to go
But I will forever love you

Bridge:
(The way you make me feel!)
Oh, you, you opened my eyes
You're an angel in disguise
(You are not alone)

You've got me so swept away
But you couldn't stay
Maybe all we needed was an angel like you
Don't have to tell the angels no
I know you had to go
But I will forever love you

hope you guys like it... :) See you up there, Michael. :)

Perfect Daughter *incomplete*

This has been going on for too long, I don’t think I can take it anymore
Don’t even know if you’ll really walk out that door
And all wanted was to make you happy
And all I wanted was for you to see

That I’m not giving up on you, just givin’ up on me
The perfect daughter for you is all I want to be
What do I have to do?
All I want is that “I love you” from you

And I wonder if I ever cross your mind...

So, this is summer, huh? The same boring days when you don't know who to talk to...

And all you can to is try to remember those crazy moments with different people, wondering if they miss you, or if they've forgotten already. Truth is, I miss everyone, but they say I'm not supposed to dwell in the past...

So, let me introduce you to "my past". This guy, knows practically everything about me, even all those deep dark secrets. This guy, is someone who would annoy me every time I see him, yet there are times when you just want him there. He's been there for me, 24/7. We may have a 6 month age gap, and we may act like fire and ice, oil and water, or something that can't stand being together, but let me tell you, this guy, I definitely cannot live without, because life becomes so dull without him, no more fighting over the internet, watching Pokemon and playing with his older brothers Pokemon card collection. This guy, is my cousin, Mao.



May 31, 1996 -- The day God gave me a cousin I'd have a love/hate relationship with. Mao became the closest thing I have to a brother.

Besides the fact that we practically live in the same house (Yes, I used to raid his home after school, since my home doesn't have anyone else there. Sucks.), we would spend our time playing, talking, practically killing each other, bullying each other, and of course, becoming each others shoulder to cry on. I remember doing ridiculous things with him, like playing "Oof Wars", a game we made where we would push each other saying "oof", or "folding" blankets by rolling it. Throwing toys at each other and crying when we get hit. Throwing insults at each other, throwing food, and the grossest, he used to throw snot and saliva at me. GROSS! Fighting over nearly everything, who gets the aircon, who takes a nap on the big bed, who uses the computer... AND, watching either POWERPUFF GIRLS, or POKEMON.

Like every part of growing up, we soon had to be separated, his mother had to work abroad so he, and his siblings could get a good education. He moved to his maternal grandmothers house, and from then on, seeing each other became too difficult. Family problems were also in the way, so I only saw him 5 times a year. Good thing there was the INTERNET! We spent hour after hour chatting, telling each other problems, and the usual fighting.

I remember one VERY memorable Semestral break (2 weeks?). He stayed at my house this time, and we set up a tent inside the house for the both of us to sleep in. We spent our days just using the internet, waking up at 5AM, making chocolate chip pancakes. His last day here was the day we both realized, "Alysh-lysh, wala pang isang araw na 'di tayo nag-away." So we made a promise, to try not to fight... because we didn't want to end up like our already screwed up family...

This promise was good enough to keep us closer to each other, even through our judo classes in UP, but we had different schedules, since there was the girls training, and the boys training... Gah.

But last year, before the end of summer... he had to leave.

I'm just glad now, that we still get to talk on FaceBook, still the usual sharing shit and stuff. Hahaha.

And to his friends reading this, hurt him once, and I'll kill you. :)

And Mao, if you're reading this. I miss you.

Hit me.

Well, I don't know. The "X" mark hits the spot? Damn it. I'm actually tired of pretending. I'm tired of pretending to believe that you feel this way. I'm tired of your pretending. I'm tried of listening to your countless and impossible excuses. I'm tired of getting myself to believe you, and I really won't just say "I don't care" because I do... but as much as possible, don't waste all this caring, because one day, I wouldn't be able to take it anymore.

Don't tell me that you're sorry, don't tell me you've screwed up, and don't tell me that you regret it all... Don't pretend you do, don't pretend you are.

Don't tell me I'm overreacting, don't tell me I'm stupid, don't tell me I'm gullible, and don't tell me I'm soft.

I'm tired, and I just don't want it this way anymore.

Don't tell me things when you don't even mean it. Don't make me try to believe, don't make me pretend. Don't pretend.

Because I'm giving up?

No you're not. You've told me that a million times, I've believed a million times, but you still held on to that little bit of thread that'll pull you back up.

I'm tired and I don't even know what I'm saying. :|

Hello SUMMER 2010! :D

Hello! Haha. SO it's summer here in the Philippines and it's pretty short.. so I wonder what we could do...

1) I've been posting a few stories on FF.net, usually about my favorite characters... Yes, I'm childish, deal with it. I also have a Ficwad account which I rarely use.

2) I am INLOVE with AJ Rafael. :"> Check him out on YouTube and Subscribe! Oh, and his wonderful sister, Jasmine Rafael, too! In addition to that, I've also been listening to Mr. Sam Tsui, Mr. Kurt Schneider, and company, if you have the time, yes, check them out, also! ;)

3) Okay, so I've been playing the piano and the guitar again, which means, yes, I've been making more songs and will try to post it... Heehee.

4) Check this out, Kurthugoschneider made a T-Swizzle medley! I'll be trying to make those medleys soon, but so far, I've kinda made a Glee one. Haha. Check it out! ;)


That's all! ;) Have a great day ahead and God bless! ;)

Cinderella

It strikes midnight, Cinderella's gone
She left her glass slipper, what's done is done
She runs away, so far away
She runs away, dear, won't you stay?

Drowning in tears, she remembers that day
Screaming in fear, she runs away
This happy ending she will never reach at all
As she tries to fly, she knows she'd fall

The charming girl you danced with last night
She fell right away, after she took flight
Well as you know Cinderella's not free
And no one knows, Cinderella is me...

My Lullaby

"Good evening to the sun
It's time for me to drift into my dreams
My light is fin'lly gone
Melodies, lullabies, it's not what it seems...

Without you I'm a solitary star
But here I am, I've gone this far

This wonderful lullaby
It tells me not to cry
I drift into my dreams
The pain will be gone for a while"

Nothing to You

I never felt this feeling before
Feeling empty, isolated, unseen
Will you ever open the door
To your heart? you're all I'm thinkin'

Am I really just nothing, nothing to you?
Do you really think I'm a joke, I'm untrue?
Because, I'm nothing but a dreamer
You'll never see me, so go on with her.

It's another day gone by
Do I take a risk, do I try?
Should you ever find out it's you
Should you ever find out that everything's true?

Am I really just nothing, nothing to you?
Do you really think I'm a joke, I'm untrue?
Because, I'm nothing but a dreamer
You'll never see me, so go on with her.

If you only knew
Just how much I love you...

Angel of Mine

Angel of mine
could I turn back the hands of time
coz I feel so alone
won't you stay with me and my heart made of stone?

And I know you're watching over me
Hope you know, I dream of you when I sleep
I hope that somehow I could stay with you
We'll fly through the sky so blue...

But no, you're an angel, a prince in my dreams
And I'm a devil inside, it seems
But will you ever hold my hand?
I don't even think that you understand...

Nonsense.

I watch the time go by
I see the world, I start to cry
And I've dreamt about this lonely night
And I know, It ain't gonna be alright...

Only you can heal my broken heart
You don't even want to do your part
Yet you're included in this dream,
this dream with your goodbye scene

Sometimes I wonder if you're real
How could you make me feel, feel
this way, I thought you loved me
Oh, Why didn't I see? (That you were playing me!)

Raging Silence

I'm holding on the the past
feels like a spell was cast
I need to break the silence within
my hopes, my dreams, my fears unseen

And all the secrets we've kept
You held my hand we took another step
Here's another wonderful dance
I'm just hoping you'd give me a chance

And I can't fight this raging silence, I'm breaking
I need to tell you how much I love you
but I can't, my raging silence ain't fading
So I'll tell you I love you, (everything's so true)

Oh, won't you open that door?
Darling, it hurts so much more

And I can't fight this raging silence I'm breaking
(Only you can open the door)
So I'll tell you I love you
(Is this what you need me for?)

And I can't fight this raging silence, I'm breaking
I need to tell you how much I love you
but I can't, my raging silence ain't fading
So I'll tell you I love you, (everything's so true)

Another Nothing.

Another sunny day gone by
Another dream for me to fly
Another person I yearn to see
Another girl I wish to be

I am nothing, nothing to you
I am a lie, nothing is true
I am a person who wishes to fly
I am a girl who wishes to die

All i really wanted was to dream
Dream about something so unseen
A dream that my heart wished to come true
A dream where I am happy, only with you...

Forgive me, I was mad.

Hopeless? Of course, a little bit pissed
Lost? I know, betrayed, shoved and dissed
Back-stabbed? why not, we all are anyway
I am the girl who cried, but can't fly away.

You f**king turn me into you
When I really don't want to
I'm lost in this world, I don't feel like me
You f**king kill me, drowning me in misery

I want to scream at the top of my lungs right now
I want to tear apart but I can't somehow.
I'd love to take a knife or even drown
Because of you, you brought me down...

Ready, set, go. Fade Away.

Ready set go, break me
I know you'd let me go, inevitably
Don't turn around, don't look at me
Because the real me, you will never see.

I won't cry again, darling
I'll just stay here, fading
Trying to fly away...
I won't admit that I miss you.
I won't tell the world that I love you
No, I'll just slowly fade away...

I can see your lies
In your beautiful brown eyes
I can feel the despair taking over you
I can see your hate in the things you do.

I won't cry again, darling
I'll just stay here, fading
Trying to fly away...
I won't admit that I miss you.
I won't tell the world that I love you
No, I'll just slowly fade away...

I made this for a friend

You can let me go right now
I don't want to miss you, but I do somehow
How will I let you go, my dear?
When losing you is my only fear?

I know you hate me, I know you're mad
I know you hate me, it makes me sad
but then I love you just the same
I cry at night, saying your name

I dreamed of you, saying goodbye
In my dream, you didn't cry
Maybe it's time to let you go
But I still love you, just so you know.


Oh, man. I still feel guilty. Well, this was for my old friend, when we fought. but we`re okay now. :D

...?

I loved him so much, didn't want him to know
I hope it's not obvious, I can't let him go
If he loves me back, I won't really won`t mind
Every last memory, I won`t just leave behind

He held me close, but that was before
He let me go, he walked out that door
I finally let him fly away free
But the sadness I kept, I didn't want him to see

"It's too late" I said, as I took one long breath
"Goodbye, my love" I stand before death
I took something sharp, as it cut my skin
It hurt so much, but there's more within

Sentenced to death, there's no turning back, dear
Darling, don't weep, there's nothing to fear
Don't hold me close, like you did before
Just say I love you, say it once more

When I hear those three words, I'll finally let go
This is my suicide note, just so you know
Dear, I still love you, with silent cries
And goodbye to the world, I'll just close my eyes...


Wow. Infatuation kills, doesn`t it? Haha. I feel stupid now, reading this.

September 19, 2008

Last year`s suicide attempt. :|

The cries of pain she bleeds a lot more
Her eyes tearing up, her wrist is sore
Her straight lines of hatred, she did it for you
She held her wrist firmly, "what's next to do?"

He knew she wanted to let go
But she didn't want him to know
If only he didn't hold her back
Everything was true, and not act

She bid him goodbye with a tear sliding down her face
She added one last cut, "if only he stays"
She loved him so much but he already let her go
"I still love you darling" She wanted him to know

A few seconds left before she'll be free
But he actually came, she wished he didn't see
He grabbed her arm, took away the knife
But it was too late, darling, she's out of life...



A/N:
Whatever happened this afternoon, it's a secret to keep
Don't tell the others, and don't ever weep
I'm sorry for doing it, I'm still so naive
My suicide note, soon you'll receive

Please do not weep, I hate to see you down
Keep this in mind, don't ever frown
Next time let me go, don't stop me at all
Next time do not look, not at my last fall

But if I'm still here, please don't be scared
Remember the damages will never be repaired
And then I'll soon let go, forever I'm gone
But like everyone say's what's done is done.



I still remember what I did. My friends chasing me, all of us crying. Me hiding in the cubicle of our restroom, with an old friend stopping me, staying out the door. It was the place where we first fought. Ugh. September 09, 2008

BALLPEN. (Out of boredom. :P)

Ballpen, ang aking ginagamit na panulat
kung walang magawa, magdrawing o magsulat
Subalit nakakainis ito dahil wala ng tinta
Oh diyos ko, ang mga ala-ala

Mahal ko ang ballpen unang una sa lahat
Dahil ito'y magandang panulat
Sa kahit anong kulay pula't, itim at bughaw
'Pag ika'y magsulat ito'y sasayaw

Bella Muerte (Beautiful Death, in Spanish)

You know what, some songs just hit me
Like, a video of love, I couldn't even see.
About a girl, with a broken heart
About a guy, who did his part

I learned one day, that they're meant to be like that
Sing songs of anything, A minor or B flat.
They're really meant to make you feel the pain, that sadness
Or make you feel alone, hiding in darkness

"Bella Muerte" everyone says to me, what I dream when I sleep
"Bella Muerte" What I here each time I cry, or when I weep
Beautiful death, romantic death, in short suicide, I think it's the best
When I die, "Bella Muerte", Beautiful death, my moment of rest.

It`s what I felt.

Seems like we were just together yesterday
But then right now, you're walking away
You did all this when she had a broken heart
Now she's all just torn apart

Like a piece of paper and a few drops of ink
It's so hard to be writing things, she just can't think
She's lost again, she thinks it's done
She's empty and blinded by the sun

Beautiful girl, don't walk away
Pretty girl, please won't you stay
Shed these tears for someone you know
But always remember, "just go with the flow."


September 04, 2008

Nahuhulog na ang luha, Ianna.

Nahuhulog na ang luha
Umiiyak ang puso ko
Nahuhulog na ang luha
Nang dahil lamang sa iyo

Hindi, bakit nga ba?
Pakiramdam ay may kaba
Oo, sya na nga ba?
Imposible, Ano ka ba!

Wala ka nang kwenta ngayon
Sigurado'y sya ay sa-sangayon
Kahit kailanma'y hindi ka kailangan
Marapat na ika'y sumpaan.

Ianna, ano ba ang problema mo?
Bakit ka nga ba ganito?
Makinig ka sa sinasabi sa'yo
Ianna, ayoko na sa'yo.



September 03, 2008

For a girl I fought with.

Nang ako'y iwas-iwasan
Tunay ka nga bang kaibigan?
Nang ako'y biglaang layuan
Wala na yatang patutunguhan

Mahirap mawalan ng matalik na kaibigan
Lalo na't sanhi nito'y ingit lamang
Bakit nga ba ganito ang buhay natin?
Na kahit subukan mo'y, di kayang tawirin.

Sumasama ang paningin ko
Tungo sa iyo
Ngunit sana'y alalahanin mo
Kapag kailangan mo ako, ako'y nandito.


September 3, 2008

Mahal

Pakiramdam ay puro kalungkutan
Pagkatapos nang lumipas, ang oras, dumaan
Wala na pala sya sa piling ng batang ito,
Wala na ang liriko sa kanta ng buhay ko.

Akala ko'y sya lamang, ang aking minamahal
ngunit hanggang ngayo'y buhay ang isinusugal
para lang sa akin, bakit nga ba ganito?
ako'y tuliro, di ko mapagtanto...

September 01, 2008

Sino si Ianna?

Sino nga ba si Ianna?
Bakit nga ba sya nandito?
Ano-ano nga ba ang mga kinakatukatan nya?
Bakit nga nagtatanong ang batang ito?

Siguro dahil sa wala syang magawa?
Siguro dahil sa pagtataka?
Siguro dahil kay Ianna, sya'y natutuwa
O 'di kaya'y ito'y patawa, ako'y nagtataka.

An nga ba ang layunin ng tina-type ko?
Bakit ko nga ba ginagawa to?
Ano nga ba ang naiisip ko?
Kabaliwan lang ba ito?

Hayy na'ko Ianna...:))

September 01, 2008

Intro. :D

This is only in case anyone reads this blog. Hahaha.


Hi. My name`s Ianna, well, it`s actually Alyssa Christianna, but yeah, just call me either Aly or Ianna. :))

I`ve been writing songs and poems since I was, well, 6 maybe. I don`t really remember, but I`ve seen a small music notebook with all my old compositions may it be about food, or a fight, or how much I love something. Hahaha. I stopped writing t the age of 8 and well, did nothing. In grade 4( I was about 9 or 10), I learned to play the guitar, then I started writing again. :)

Well, this blog is, well, my compositions from the year 2008 `til now. I don`t think I`ll be updating as much as I used to in my past blogs.

You might want to notice how masochistic, and well, sad these are, but I grew up really pessimistic, so yeah, forgive me for this. I HAD a broken faith in God, then, but I`ve changed, and now, I really believe in God, and try my best to pray and make Him happy. I won`t post ALL my compositions though. :))
Just the ones I feel like posting. Heehee. :D

Okaaay, that was UBER long.
Take care, and God bless!